Was meeting up with someone. Didn’t even know there was a church before all that. Suppose it’s a common enough place, though.
[Although who thinks “I want to bring a church over to Etraya that’s falling apart, and has this weird bed of flowers in it?? Hank has no idea.]
Nah. [He grabs the camera from his bag and takes a few pictures of the castle.] Just seems like an odd thing to bring to Etraya. Kinda ominous, huh? I mean, whoever did is probably used to that kind of thing. Can’t imagine bringing over my house.
vincent is having connor call him father vincent >>
Yeah. Although I’ve been thinking about someplace bigger, actually.
[Hank absentmindedly scratches the side of his neck, looking down at Sumo, who’s made the floor his new drool palace.]
Thought it would be nice to get Sumo a big yard to laze around in. Haven’t been sure where, though.
[Looking up at Connor now.]
Then you came along. Been more focused on you. [Hank offers a gap-toothed smile.] Was worried I’d fuck it up, too — accidentally make you assume I was trying to leave you behind or get away from you, or something. Which isn’t the case.
Good. ‘Cause I don’t. Just, y’know — trying to be more clear here. We’ve had quite a few misunderstandings already, huh?
[And there will undoubtedly be more...!]
The sort that could’ve been solved real quick if I were better at talking. And the sort that would’ve never happened at all if I had kept my mouth shut.
[Hank catches that “if.“ Progress, perhaps? Or is that wishful thinking? He sighs, still having little to go on in the way of deviancy triggers.]
I know, Connor. I know you don’t wanna leave. And I don’t want you to leave, either. We’ll get to where we need to be.
[Next up on their trolley adventure: a large house surrounded by dead trees, up in the middle of nowhere. Looks like the setting of a horror movie. Hank takes a few pictures, regardless.]
You do. But that’s just your thing. Just like, well — you work with a lot of my things. And we do okay despite all that.
[Connor is good at dealing with him. Does Hank get irritable? Sure. But with most people, they don’t manage to break through those ornery outer layers. Most people don’t care to, and Hank doesn’t blame them.
Once, he would have told himself that makes things easier. Push people away. Keep them away. Now? He’s not quite as sure.
It’s lonely, for one. And Hank is tired of being lonely.]
Would be nice if we could all just get along. I figure Solmara’s got their own Aurora-Echo–whoever. They ever try talking, d’you think?
[Connor finds a moment as he's staring out the window. A brief crystalline moment when he can look out the window and see himself in the reflection. It's like what they tried before.
Connor can talk to himself, but not Hank.]
She killed it. The AI. Solmara is in ruin because we can't rely on the AI to replenish provisions.
We’re not going to let that happen, Connor. Once you deviate, we can figure this shit out. We’ll help as many people as we can. And that’s... something worth deviating for, yeah?
[He can’t help how small his voice sounds as he fishes. For a bite. A nibble. Anything.]
What is enough? [Hank isn’t asking Connor, really. He knows he doesn’t have the answer.] ‘Cause it’s not me dying. Not you dying. Hell, not everyone else dying.
[There’s a long stretch before any more landmarks of note outside. Then there are a smattering of buildings, one marked “Shooting Range.” Hmm. Another mansion, this one less weird looking than the last.]
[Connor thinks he might know where that tipping point lies, that it has to do with Hank in some kind of danger, but Connor doesn't think it will trip until they are in the moment.
He can also feel the weight of what must be Hank's disappointment, imagined or otherwise.]
I know. I know you’re trying, Connor. I’m not mad at you. I know you have it in you — you’ve goddamn done it before. I’m just...
[Sumo looks up at Connor. Yawns.]
Mad at myself. Mad at everything but you. Mad at the world — the worlds — for putting you in one shitty situation after the other. And I’m just here like a rubbernecking fucker, unable to do anything so I just gawk, because what the hell else am I supposed to do?
[Hank wants to believe that he matters, somehow. In relation to Connor’s deviancy. Wants to believe he isn’t as useless as he feels. And maybe he helped push Connor in the right direction before — now too, hopefully — but back home, he wasn’t there when Connor deviated. Hank wasn’t dying.
So how useful is he, really?]
I’ll do what I can, Connor. You know that. But I’m not... not some all powerful being, you know?
[He doesn’t want to fail Connor even though he doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t want to fail him like he failed Cole. Failed everyone he’s ever loved.
But there is no clear path here. Not yet. What to do? What not to do? Only time will tell, and Hank isn’t a patient man. Not when it comes to the safety of this stupid world and its inhabitants — and Solmara’s — who don’t deserve to die.
And not when it comes to Connor, either. Especially. His safety. His happiness.
Hank thinks of saying, too, that he doesn’t think he’s necessary for Connor’s deviancy. But he bites the words back, both because he’s voiced the sentiment before and because it doesn’t matter. What he thinks changes nothing. What matters is that Connor thinks he’s relevant, somehow.]
You told me before. That you’d do the right thing. [Hank looks down at Connor. Squinting.] That’s still true, yeah?
I have confidence I will do the right thing. [Connor replies with a furrowed brow. His mismatched fingers create a path as he pets Sumo. He looks up at Hank with no such certainty or confidence in his gaze.
What if he follows his programming to its end? What if he can't escape it in time? What if he hurts Hank in the process?
Connor isn't sure if there is any way he could ever forgive himself, even if forgiveness is a very human, a very deviant need.]
[It feels weird looking down at him like this. Hank doesn’t like it — not when they’re talking about this.]
It’s… [Going to be okay, he wants to say.
But they have no way of knowing if that’ll be the case. And Hank has no idea how to get across everything he’s thinking. Everything he’s feeling. Which is the fact that he is expendable. As long as everyone else is okay, Hank is expendable.
Connor said he probably couldn’t deviate back on Solmara without him. And part of Hank wants to selfishly cling to that, but another part knows that Connor is stronger than that. He’ll find his way. Just like he would back at home once Hank was gone.]
You’re more capable than you think, y’know. Don’t let anyone let you think otherwise.
[Connor turns his gaze back to Sumo, focusing on how soothing the petting motion is. It allows him to try and find the proper words. He has a database full of a hundred thousand words and yet none of them seem to help.]
I know that, Connor. And I don’t want… that. Don’t want you to have to do that. But you’re stronger than me. Even if I’m not here — especially if I’m not here. Or there, or whatever. You’re gonna do so much good, Connor. You’re gonna be great. You’re gonna help everyone on Etraya and Solmara. Because that’s the right thing to do, and because you can.
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Do you know them?
I’m laughing because Vincent lives there but Hank doesn’t know LOL
Was meeting up with someone. Didn’t even know there was a church before all that. Suppose it’s a common enough place, though.
[Although who thinks “I want to bring a church over to Etraya that’s falling apart, and has this weird bed of flowers in it?? Hank has no idea.]
Nah. [He grabs the camera from his bag and takes a few pictures of the castle.] Just seems like an odd thing to bring to Etraya. Kinda ominous, huh? I mean, whoever did is probably used to that kind of thing. Can’t imagine bringing over my house.
vincent is having connor call him father vincent >>
[It would make sense if Hank didn't want to bring the whole house. An apartment just big enough for the two of them and Sumo.]
WHEEZING that guy I stg 💗
Yeah. Although I’ve been thinking about someplace bigger, actually.
[Hank absentmindedly scratches the side of his neck, looking down at Sumo, who’s made the floor his new drool palace.]
Thought it would be nice to get Sumo a big yard to laze around in. Haven’t been sure where, though.
[Looking up at Connor now.]
Then you came along. Been more focused on you. [Hank offers a gap-toothed smile.] Was worried I’d fuck it up, too — accidentally make you assume I was trying to leave you behind or get away from you, or something. Which isn’t the case.
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[It's just easier to assume Connor believes the worst right now, especially with Solmara's fate weighing heavily on his robotic shoulders.
And speaking of which,] If I ever have to return to Solmara, it will be because I am programmed to do so.
[There's an 'if' in there! He's feeling less certain about his mission.]
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Good. ‘Cause I don’t. Just, y’know — trying to be more clear here. We’ve had quite a few misunderstandings already, huh?
[And there will undoubtedly be more...!]
The sort that could’ve been solved real quick if I were better at talking. And the sort that would’ve never happened at all if I had kept my mouth shut.
[Hank catches that “if.“ Progress, perhaps? Or is that wishful thinking? He sighs, still having little to go on in the way of deviancy triggers.]
I know, Connor. I know you don’t wanna leave. And I don’t want you to leave, either. We’ll get to where we need to be.
[Next up on their trolley adventure: a large house surrounded by dead trees, up in the middle of nowhere. Looks like the setting of a horror movie. Hank takes a few pictures, regardless.]
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[As if it weren't obvious enough that Connor takes most things literally.]
I want there to be a way where I could fulfill my mission and not hurt you or Etraya.
[Connor continues to peer out the window, curious as to the odd house.]
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You do. But that’s just your thing. Just like, well — you work with a lot of my things. And we do okay despite all that.
[Connor is good at dealing with him. Does Hank get irritable? Sure. But with most people, they don’t manage to break through those ornery outer layers. Most people don’t care to, and Hank doesn’t blame them.
Once, he would have told himself that makes things easier. Push people away. Keep them away. Now? He’s not quite as sure.
It’s lonely, for one. And Hank is tired of being lonely.]
Would be nice if we could all just get along. I figure Solmara’s got their own Aurora-Echo–whoever. They ever try talking, d’you think?
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Connor can talk to himself, but not Hank.]
She killed it. The AI. Solmara is in ruin because we can't rely on the AI to replenish provisions.
My friends are starving.
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Why would she kill the AI? Did she not know that’d fuck everything up? Did she not care?
[And Hank figures Connor won’t be able to answer most of those questions, if any, but Hank is still baffled enough to ask.]
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We have to restore what we lost. Or everyone there will die.
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[Hank looks at Connor’s reflection.]
We’re not going to let that happen, Connor. Once you deviate, we can figure this shit out. We’ll help as many people as we can. And that’s... something worth deviating for, yeah?
[He can’t help how small his voice sounds as he fishes. For a bite. A nibble. Anything.]
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I'm afraid it's not enough. I'm sorry, Hank.
[He sees Hank now too and ducks his head.]
There's only one way to save them.
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What is enough? [Hank isn’t asking Connor, really. He knows he doesn’t have the answer.] ‘Cause it’s not me dying. Not you dying. Hell, not everyone else dying.
[There’s a long stretch before any more landmarks of note outside. Then there are a smattering of buildings, one marked “Shooting Range.” Hmm. Another mansion, this one less weird looking than the last.]
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He can also feel the weight of what must be Hank's disappointment, imagined or otherwise.]
When the moment comes, I'll know.
[And suddenly this trolley ride isn't that fun.]
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[That’s the crux of it, really: no one knows what it’ll take till they’re there.
And hopefully once they get to that point, it won’t be too late.]
Connor. [Hank sighs.] Look at me. And don’t just look at my reflection, I mean look at me.
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I wish I knew. [His eyes drift downward, toward Sumo.] I wish I could flip it like a switch, but I can't.
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I know. I know you’re trying, Connor. I’m not mad at you. I know you have it in you — you’ve goddamn done it before. I’m just...
[Sumo looks up at Connor. Yawns.]
Mad at myself. Mad at everything but you. Mad at the world — the worlds — for putting you in one shitty situation after the other. And I’m just here like a rubbernecking fucker, unable to do anything so I just gawk, because what the hell else am I supposed to do?
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I believe you'll be instrumental in my deviancy.
[As if that's any comfort. As if that changes anything Hank said.]
cn: mention of Cole 🥺
[Hank wants to believe that he matters, somehow. In relation to Connor’s deviancy. Wants to believe he isn’t as useless as he feels. And maybe he helped push Connor in the right direction before — now too, hopefully — but back home, he wasn’t there when Connor deviated. Hank wasn’t dying.
So how useful is he, really?]
I’ll do what I can, Connor. You know that. But I’m not... not some all powerful being, you know?
[He doesn’t want to fail Connor even though he doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t want to fail him like he failed Cole. Failed everyone he’s ever loved.
But there is no clear path here. Not yet. What to do? What not to do? Only time will tell, and Hank isn’t a patient man. Not when it comes to the safety of this stupid world and its inhabitants — and Solmara’s — who don’t deserve to die.
And not when it comes to Connor, either. Especially. His safety. His happiness.
Hank thinks of saying, too, that he doesn’t think he’s necessary for Connor’s deviancy. But he bites the words back, both because he’s voiced the sentiment before and because it doesn’t matter. What he thinks changes nothing. What matters is that Connor thinks he’s relevant, somehow.]
You told me before. That you’d do the right thing. [Hank looks down at Connor. Squinting.] That’s still true, yeah?
:<
What if he follows his programming to its end? What if he can't escape it in time? What if he hurts Hank in the process?
Connor isn't sure if there is any way he could ever forgive himself, even if forgiveness is a very human, a very deviant need.]
I’m sorry I didn’t see the email for this :c
Connor.
[It feels weird looking down at him like this. Hank doesn’t like it — not when they’re talking about this.]
It’s… [Going to be okay, he wants to say.
But they have no way of knowing if that’ll be the case. And Hank has no idea how to get across everything he’s thinking. Everything he’s feeling. Which is the fact that he is expendable. As long as everyone else is okay, Hank is expendable.
Connor said he probably couldn’t deviate back on Solmara without him. And part of Hank wants to selfishly cling to that, but another part knows that Connor is stronger than that. He’ll find his way. Just like he would back at home once Hank was gone.]
You’re more capable than you think, y’know. Don’t let anyone let you think otherwise.
all good!
Hank, I don't want to do this without you.
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[Jesus, tugging right on those heartstrings.]
I know that, Connor. And I don’t want… that. Don’t want you to have to do that. But you’re stronger than me. Even if I’m not here — especially if I’m not here. Or there, or whatever. You’re gonna do so much good, Connor. You’re gonna be great. You’re gonna help everyone on Etraya and Solmara. Because that’s the right thing to do, and because you can.
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[Connor shakes his head. There are so many conflicts in his programming, but he hasn’t hit tbe threshold of deviancy.
But he knows it must be soon.]
Come back with me to Solmara.
OOF my heart 😭 OOF
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cn: mention of Cole ;;
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the strangling noooo 😭 Hank use your words pls
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cn: spider mention
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cn: suicide ideation + mention of Cole
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