Thought it might be the same. But you haven’t forgotten anything, have you? [Shrugging his shoulders as he says:] Guess you wouldn’t remember if you did. But what I’m trying to ask is...
[Hank pats the camera in his lap.]
If you shot me, Connor. And I died. And I forgot something — something real important. Is this still something you can go through with? Not trying to dissuade you — you know I’m not — it’s just... added pressure that you don’t need.
[That’s one thing that finally got Hank to stop longing for death here: what if he forgot Cole? Connor? And once, that almost sounded ideal: forgetting everything until there was nothing left.
Now, Hank embraces that pain. Those memories. Even though it’s hard.]
[Hank isn’t sure what else to say. That he’s willing to give up whatever it takes for Connor? He doesn’t want to lose anything, but for Connor’s freedom?
Whatever it takes.
Sumo, tiring of the floor, hops up onto the seats in front of them. Turning to look at Connor with those big, droopy eyes of his.]
[The last Hank has to say on the subject, maybe. Hopefully. Has he been clear enough? It’s hard when all he wants to do is clam up, let anger silence him — as if that might help either of them.]
What do you think about Etraya so far? Or is that something you can’t tell me?
[Hank asks this with a playful lilt. Trying to mask his anxiety. His fear. His worry.]
No, none of that. Hank’s done. He’s said his piece.]
Yeah? [Hank’s glad that people are being kind to Connor. It’s all he’s wanted since Hank got to Etraya: for Connor to be able to live the sort of life he never got to. Ever since that very first day and he saw Connor’s predecessor at the hospital. Heard he had his own apartment. People who cared about him.]
The people here like you too. [Hank is sure. Connor’s endearing as all hell.] Or else they will. You’re a good guy to know.
[Although the whole being sent to destroy Etraya thing might lead to some contention later. But Connor will deviate in time, and the people who refuse to forgive him... that’ll be their loss.]
[Connor's experience before arriving in Solmara had been that Hank begrudgingly worked with him at times and hated him at others. The year in Solmara has been deeply difficult and the few friendships he's picked up have been born from practicality. He works with Robert in the med-clinic, he gives his rations to Max, and Ithaqua needs help every now and then.]
‘Course you are. [Even not mentioning all the times Connor back home helped him, saved him:] You’ve got a big heart. Can kick ass, too, but more important is that you’re kind. You want to do the right thing. A lot of people are in it just for themselves, you know?
[Hank reaches out to rub Sumo’s neck, who closes his eyes.]
He was... [God, where to begin?] Well, I think one of the first things he did was smile — when we first met up. He was like you, too: wanted to get me all fed. He was caring — warned me about somewhere dangerous. He was patient. Had lots of friends, from what I understand. Accelerator really cared about him — I think they were close. People just...
[Hank’s gaze passes Connor, aimed toward the window now.]
People wanted to be around him. Total opposite from me. He’d been living here on Etraya for who the hell knows how long, too. Had his own apartment. Friends. A whole life that I just kind of forced my way into.
[He sighs. Reaching forward with both hands now to ruffle Sumo’s fur.]
I was... really proud of him. And then he was gone.
[It sounds like an amazing life. A life that feels so far away from Connor. He can't even break through Alrys's instructions to prevent the destruction of Etraya.
He's not sure how to rebuild what his predecessor had or if he even can.]
[Connor’s words feel like a punch to Hank’s chest. Reminding him that the pain will always be there: the cycle of love and loss.]
I... thanks. But you know you’re special too, right? It’s just hard to explain what I was like after he was gone. And before then, even. I haven’t exactly been grateful for my time here on Etraya.
Although — [Sumo’s tongue lolls as Hank pets him] — I realize that’s wrong of me. Hell, I’ve known it this whole time. I know. Having you here, though, helps. It helps a lot, Connor.
Just having you here is plenty help. Getting to spend time with you. Make all these memories.
You’re kind, see? Indulging an old man’s weird whims.
[Like the trolley ride, even though Connor said it was something he wanted to do. But he could have gone alone, or with someone else — instead, he’s here with sad, rambling Hank.]
[He's kind. Hmm. Connor had never thought of using that adjective for himself. People could be kind, but this is his programming, not an independent action.]
I don’t think anything about you is just your programming, Connor. [Hank’s voice softens as he says:] Even back when we first met. You’ve got your programming, sure, but you’ve always been you.
You didn't like me very much when we first met, Hank. [There was perhaps a begrudging sense of amicability when Connor paid for another of Hank's drinks, but he wouldn't consider their first meeting to be one of friends.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2025-02-28 09:33 pm (UTC)[That and falling to his death.]
cn: suicide ideation + mention of Cole
Date: 2025-02-28 09:48 pm (UTC)Thought it might be the same. But you haven’t forgotten anything, have you? [Shrugging his shoulders as he says:] Guess you wouldn’t remember if you did. But what I’m trying to ask is...
[Hank pats the camera in his lap.]
If you shot me, Connor. And I died. And I forgot something — something real important. Is this still something you can go through with? Not trying to dissuade you — you know I’m not — it’s just... added pressure that you don’t need.
[That’s one thing that finally got Hank to stop longing for death here: what if he forgot Cole? Connor? And once, that almost sounded ideal: forgetting everything until there was nothing left.
Now, Hank embraces that pain. Those memories. Even though it’s hard.]
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Date: 2025-02-28 10:27 pm (UTC)[And the cracks in his programming become more pronounced.]
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Date: 2025-02-28 11:02 pm (UTC)But if you did, Connor.
[Hank isn’t sure what else to say. That he’s willing to give up whatever it takes for Connor? He doesn’t want to lose anything, but for Connor’s freedom?
Whatever it takes.
Sumo, tiring of the floor, hops up onto the seats in front of them. Turning to look at Connor with those big, droopy eyes of his.]
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Date: 2025-02-28 11:04 pm (UTC)I won't kill you.
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Date: 2025-03-01 03:59 am (UTC)But if you did. I’d forgive you, Connor.
[The last Hank has to say on the subject, maybe. Hopefully. Has he been clear enough? It’s hard when all he wants to do is clam up, let anger silence him — as if that might help either of them.]
What do you think about Etraya so far? Or is that something you can’t tell me?
[Hank asks this with a playful lilt. Trying to mask his anxiety. His fear. His worry.]
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Date: 2025-03-01 02:48 pm (UTC)He’s grateful for the question.]
The people seem nice.
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Date: 2025-03-01 07:20 pm (UTC)[But if Connor did...
No, none of that. Hank’s done. He’s said his piece.]
Yeah? [Hank’s glad that people are being kind to Connor. It’s all he’s wanted since Hank got to Etraya: for Connor to be able to live the sort of life he never got to. Ever since that very first day and he saw Connor’s predecessor at the hospital. Heard he had his own apartment. People who cared about him.]
You make any new friends?
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Date: 2025-03-01 09:01 pm (UTC)[So not quite making new friends but reuniting with others.]
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Date: 2025-03-01 09:15 pm (UTC)The people here like you too. [Hank is sure. Connor’s endearing as all hell.] Or else they will. You’re a good guy to know.
[Although the whole being sent to destroy Etraya thing might lead to some contention later. But Connor will deviate in time, and the people who refuse to forgive him... that’ll be their loss.]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-01 09:23 pm (UTC)[Connor's experience before arriving in Solmara had been that Hank begrudgingly worked with him at times and hated him at others. The year in Solmara has been deeply difficult and the few friendships he's picked up have been born from practicality. He works with Robert in the med-clinic, he gives his rations to Max, and Ithaqua needs help every now and then.]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-01 09:41 pm (UTC)‘Course you are. [Even not mentioning all the times Connor back home helped him, saved him:] You’ve got a big heart. Can kick ass, too, but more important is that you’re kind. You want to do the right thing. A lot of people are in it just for themselves, you know?
[Hank reaches out to rub Sumo’s neck, who closes his eyes.]
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Date: 2025-03-01 09:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-01 09:54 pm (UTC)Which humans do you serve exactly, Connor? [Brow furrowing.] All of them?
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Date: 2025-03-01 09:56 pm (UTC)But my base programming applies to most humans.
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Date: 2025-03-01 10:00 pm (UTC)So you’d go and protect them, then. Humans.
[Hank turns to Connor as he says:]
Would you believe me if I told you that you’re the same when you’re deviant? You’re a good person.
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Date: 2025-03-01 10:08 pm (UTC)[Hank seems to know a bit about deviancy, though.]
You knew my predecessor. What was he like?
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Date: 2025-03-01 10:17 pm (UTC)He was... [God, where to begin?] Well, I think one of the first things he did was smile — when we first met up. He was like you, too: wanted to get me all fed. He was caring — warned me about somewhere dangerous. He was patient. Had lots of friends, from what I understand. Accelerator really cared about him — I think they were close. People just...
[Hank’s gaze passes Connor, aimed toward the window now.]
People wanted to be around him. Total opposite from me. He’d been living here on Etraya for who the hell knows how long, too. Had his own apartment. Friends. A whole life that I just kind of forced my way into.
[He sighs. Reaching forward with both hands now to ruffle Sumo’s fur.]
I was... really proud of him. And then he was gone.
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Date: 2025-03-01 10:21 pm (UTC)He's not sure how to rebuild what his predecessor had or if he even can.]
I'm sorry he disappeared, Hank.
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Date: 2025-03-01 10:27 pm (UTC)[Connor’s words feel like a punch to Hank’s chest. Reminding him that the pain will always be there: the cycle of love and loss.]
I... thanks. But you know you’re special too, right? It’s just hard to explain what I was like after he was gone. And before then, even. I haven’t exactly been grateful for my time here on Etraya.
Although — [Sumo’s tongue lolls as Hank pets him] — I realize that’s wrong of me. Hell, I’ve known it this whole time. I know. Having you here, though, helps. It helps a lot, Connor.
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Date: 2025-03-01 10:31 pm (UTC)That means a lot, Hank. I want to be able to help you.
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Date: 2025-03-01 10:36 pm (UTC)Just having you here is plenty help. Getting to spend time with you. Make all these memories.
You’re kind, see? Indulging an old man’s weird whims.
[Like the trolley ride, even though Connor said it was something he wanted to do. But he could have gone alone, or with someone else — instead, he’s here with sad, rambling Hank.]
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Date: 2025-03-01 10:38 pm (UTC)And if it's only my social relations programming?
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Date: 2025-03-01 10:41 pm (UTC)I don’t think anything about you is just your programming, Connor. [Hank’s voice softens as he says:] Even back when we first met. You’ve got your programming, sure, but you’ve always been you.
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Date: 2025-03-01 10:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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