Not angry with you, Connor. How would you feel if our roles were reversed and I couldn't tell you anything? If I were set on this mission to get a bunch of people killed? If you felt powerless to help me? How would that make you feel, Connor? Because I imagine you’d feel pretty goddamn shitty.
Yeah? [Sometimes Hank forgets there’s so much that this Connor didn’t get to experience. He hopes he’s made up for it in part, despite knowing he never really could.]
Do you...? I mean, I don’t have my gun. [Which would have been real nice during that whole spider debacle.]
No, but I’m sure I could find one. [Accelerator might know. Which is extremely fucked up, but... desperate times, desperate measures. Aurora? Would Aurora give him a gun?]
I could find you a gun, Connor.
[And all the implications that sentence holds: asking Connor to wield it. To shoot, if necessary.]
[The programming is all clicking together. If he can have Hank on this task, thinking it will help, then Connor would have room to do what he needs to bring down Etraya.
As long as Hank doesn't somehow acquire a weapon before Connor can get to that point.]
[And is Hank scared? Not yet. Mostly he’s relieved. Jittery.
After the main thoroughfare, the trolley continues on to what looks like a sports stadium. Hank remembers seeing the building vaguely, although it’s more interesting in daytime. Sports? Etraya??
He takes a few pictures, regardless, before asking:]
Do you know what happens when people die here? The whole losing something?
Thought it might be the same. But you haven’t forgotten anything, have you? [Shrugging his shoulders as he says:] Guess you wouldn’t remember if you did. But what I’m trying to ask is...
[Hank pats the camera in his lap.]
If you shot me, Connor. And I died. And I forgot something — something real important. Is this still something you can go through with? Not trying to dissuade you — you know I’m not — it’s just... added pressure that you don’t need.
[That’s one thing that finally got Hank to stop longing for death here: what if he forgot Cole? Connor? And once, that almost sounded ideal: forgetting everything until there was nothing left.
Now, Hank embraces that pain. Those memories. Even though it’s hard.]
[Hank isn’t sure what else to say. That he’s willing to give up whatever it takes for Connor? He doesn’t want to lose anything, but for Connor’s freedom?
Whatever it takes.
Sumo, tiring of the floor, hops up onto the seats in front of them. Turning to look at Connor with those big, droopy eyes of his.]
[The last Hank has to say on the subject, maybe. Hopefully. Has he been clear enough? It’s hard when all he wants to do is clam up, let anger silence him — as if that might help either of them.]
What do you think about Etraya so far? Or is that something you can’t tell me?
[Hank asks this with a playful lilt. Trying to mask his anxiety. His fear. His worry.]
No, none of that. Hank’s done. He’s said his piece.]
Yeah? [Hank’s glad that people are being kind to Connor. It’s all he’s wanted since Hank got to Etraya: for Connor to be able to live the sort of life he never got to. Ever since that very first day and he saw Connor’s predecessor at the hospital. Heard he had his own apartment. People who cared about him.]
The people here like you too. [Hank is sure. Connor’s endearing as all hell.] Or else they will. You’re a good guy to know.
[Although the whole being sent to destroy Etraya thing might lead to some contention later. But Connor will deviate in time, and the people who refuse to forgive him... that’ll be their loss.]
[Connor's experience before arriving in Solmara had been that Hank begrudgingly worked with him at times and hated him at others. The year in Solmara has been deeply difficult and the few friendships he's picked up have been born from practicality. He works with Robert in the med-clinic, he gives his rations to Max, and Ithaqua needs help every now and then.]
‘Course you are. [Even not mentioning all the times Connor back home helped him, saved him:] You’ve got a big heart. Can kick ass, too, but more important is that you’re kind. You want to do the right thing. A lot of people are in it just for themselves, you know?
[Hank reaches out to rub Sumo’s neck, who closes his eyes.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the strangling noooo 😭 Hank use your words pls
Not angry with you, Connor. How would you feel if our roles were reversed and I couldn't tell you anything? If I were set on this mission to get a bunch of people killed? If you felt powerless to help me? How would that make you feel, Connor? Because I imagine you’d feel pretty goddamn shitty.
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Kamski's test. That's the closest I've come to deviating. [But they don't have any--
Max has a gun. Max came with a gun. But who would be so close that Connor would find issue with shooting? Robert? Hank?]
cn: spider mention
Yeah? [Sometimes Hank forgets there’s so much that this Connor didn’t get to experience. He hopes he’s made up for it in part, despite knowing he never really could.]
Do you...? I mean, I don’t have my gun. [Which would have been real nice during that whole spider debacle.]
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Do you know of anyone with a gun?
[He's not technically lying, not yet.]
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No, but I’m sure I could find one. [Accelerator might know. Which is extremely fucked up, but... desperate times, desperate measures. Aurora? Would Aurora give him a gun?]
I could find you a gun, Connor.
[And all the implications that sentence holds: asking Connor to wield it. To shoot, if necessary.]
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As long as Hank doesn't somehow acquire a weapon before Connor can get to that point.]
You could?
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Somebody’s gotta have one. [Hank shrugs.] Or know where to get one. There’s a whole ass shooting range, so — sure it’s not difficult.
[Of course the trolley’s already passed the shooting range...!]
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We may be able to force the deviancy that way.
[And maybe it will give Hank some hope to hold onto until Connor completes his mission.]
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Yeah. Yeah, all right.
[This gives Hank his own little mission. Something to wrap his head around. Something to do.]
Then you’re gonna... [Is he going to say it? Does he need to?] Jesus.
[Hank doesn’t envy Connor here.]
Can you do it, do you think? I mean — fuck, Connor.
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[Still not a lie, but Connor is stretching the limits of his ability to lie by omission.]
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I’m sorry to... put you through all this.
[And is Hank scared? Not yet. Mostly he’s relieved. Jittery.
After the main thoroughfare, the trolley continues on to what looks like a sports stadium. Hank remembers seeing the building vaguely, although it’s more interesting in daytime. Sports? Etraya??
He takes a few pictures, regardless, before asking:]
Do you know what happens when people die here? The whole losing something?
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[That and falling to his death.]
cn: suicide ideation + mention of Cole
Thought it might be the same. But you haven’t forgotten anything, have you? [Shrugging his shoulders as he says:] Guess you wouldn’t remember if you did. But what I’m trying to ask is...
[Hank pats the camera in his lap.]
If you shot me, Connor. And I died. And I forgot something — something real important. Is this still something you can go through with? Not trying to dissuade you — you know I’m not — it’s just... added pressure that you don’t need.
[That’s one thing that finally got Hank to stop longing for death here: what if he forgot Cole? Connor? And once, that almost sounded ideal: forgetting everything until there was nothing left.
Now, Hank embraces that pain. Those memories. Even though it’s hard.]
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[And the cracks in his programming become more pronounced.]
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But if you did, Connor.
[Hank isn’t sure what else to say. That he’s willing to give up whatever it takes for Connor? He doesn’t want to lose anything, but for Connor’s freedom?
Whatever it takes.
Sumo, tiring of the floor, hops up onto the seats in front of them. Turning to look at Connor with those big, droopy eyes of his.]
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I won't kill you.
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But if you did. I’d forgive you, Connor.
[The last Hank has to say on the subject, maybe. Hopefully. Has he been clear enough? It’s hard when all he wants to do is clam up, let anger silence him — as if that might help either of them.]
What do you think about Etraya so far? Or is that something you can’t tell me?
[Hank asks this with a playful lilt. Trying to mask his anxiety. His fear. His worry.]
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He’s grateful for the question.]
The people seem nice.
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[But if Connor did...
No, none of that. Hank’s done. He’s said his piece.]
Yeah? [Hank’s glad that people are being kind to Connor. It’s all he’s wanted since Hank got to Etraya: for Connor to be able to live the sort of life he never got to. Ever since that very first day and he saw Connor’s predecessor at the hospital. Heard he had his own apartment. People who cared about him.]
You make any new friends?
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[So not quite making new friends but reuniting with others.]
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The people here like you too. [Hank is sure. Connor’s endearing as all hell.] Or else they will. You’re a good guy to know.
[Although the whole being sent to destroy Etraya thing might lead to some contention later. But Connor will deviate in time, and the people who refuse to forgive him... that’ll be their loss.]
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[Connor's experience before arriving in Solmara had been that Hank begrudgingly worked with him at times and hated him at others. The year in Solmara has been deeply difficult and the few friendships he's picked up have been born from practicality. He works with Robert in the med-clinic, he gives his rations to Max, and Ithaqua needs help every now and then.]
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‘Course you are. [Even not mentioning all the times Connor back home helped him, saved him:] You’ve got a big heart. Can kick ass, too, but more important is that you’re kind. You want to do the right thing. A lot of people are in it just for themselves, you know?
[Hank reaches out to rub Sumo’s neck, who closes his eyes.]
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Which humans do you serve exactly, Connor? [Brow furrowing.] All of them?
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